CHAPTER SEVEN CHRIST – THE HEAD OF THE HOME
“Those that be planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God.” *** Psalm 92:13
Psalm ninety-two is a psalm of the Sabbath Day; Israel’s day of rest. Through spiritual eyes it is easy to see that God is speaking of His true seventh sabbath, the day His whole creation will enter into His rest; the day when His whole creation will cease from all their labours and enter into the rest He has established from the beginning, *** Hebrews 4:4-5. This will be the millennial reign with Christ.
God speaks that those who enter into the courts of His presence will be planted in the house of the Lord. The Hebrew word for house has a two-fold meaning. It first means “tabernacle or temporary dwelling place”. But in some applications it also has the meaning of “temple or permanent dwelling place”. The word planted means “a shoot or cutting of a tree or vine that has been planted or transplanted”. The Bible speaks of God’s people as being trees of righteousness and the wives as fruitful vines. God has planted both by the water which brings forth life. The water is the Word of God. Those planted by the water of the Word will be full of sap and vigor. Their leaves will never fade. God has transplanted His trees of righteousness in an open place. He has removed them from the throne of the world that would twist and inhibit their growth. He has planted His trees of righteousness in an open place where they might grow tall, with their heads in the clouds (His glory).
God’s trees of righteousness will flourish. This means “to bud or blossom, to break out and open into a beautiful flower to be seen of the whole world.” The tabernacles of God, who are planted as trees of righteousness, are becoming His true temple not made with hands. These will become beautiful flowers in the courts of His presence on the seventh day.
The same Psalmist reveals that we shall be anointed with fresh oil, *** Psalm 92:10; a new anointing that His creation has never received. Those who enter into His gates with thanksgiving and into His courts with praise will receive this double portion; the early and latter rain anointing.
GOD’S PROPER ORDER FOR MARRIAGE
When God instituted marriage, man was to leave mother and father and cleave unto His wife. They were to establish a home of their own, free from any outside influences. They were to become a new entity in the earth. The home was to be the man’s domain; his kingdom. It was his responsibility to see that all who came under his roof were cared for. This included his wife, his children, his servants and any visitors. For many years it was said that a man’s home was his castle. It was the husband and the father’s job to bring everything in his home into the order that had been established by his head, Christ.
In Israel, when two came together in marriage, there were restrictions placed upon the man’s activities,
“When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.” *** Deuteronomy 24:5
There was no custom of dating in the Middle East. Dating is a western custom. In Bible times, the wife was selected for the son by his father or arranged by a friend. The first year was the time set aside for the new husband and wife to come into a close oneness, and to establish the order of the home according to God’s order. That order is kingdom order, and each home is to be an example of God’s kingdom on earth. When the home is in God’s order, it is the strongest institution on earth.
When the home begins, it is made up of two people: husband and wife. When a child comes along, the home is made up of three people: the father, the mother and the child. When this addition is made, then the role of husband and wife change. Their relationship to each other remains the same, but the added responsibility of father and mother must begin in their lives. Their duties to each other must include the child. The husband, as head, must be the protector and provider. The wife, as his helpmate, is to lift up her husband and to be his glory for all to see.
As father, he is to be the example of strength and authority. The mother is to be the example of love and mercy. The son must learn attributes of strength and authority from his father. If he does not learn these traits, he is not likely to establish his home under the headship of Christ, nor become the head of his house. From the mother, he must learn love and mercy. Strength and authority cannot be displayed without love and mercy. The two must become one in purpose. One without the other is not order.
The daughter needs to see the strength and authority in her father. If she does not see these traits in her father, she will not look for these traits when it is time to choose her own husband. She, also, must learn from her mother’s love and mercy, or she will not know the qualities needed to become a helpmate to her husband when she marries. She needs to witness submission in her mother. She needs to witness strength and authority in her father. If she does not grow up with these patterns before her, she will not know how to submit to her husband, nor will she be able to submit to her heavenly Father.
If the right patterns are not daily evident in the home, then the daughter will choose a husband that she can bring under her control, that she can manipulate, to get him to do as she wills. She will wear the pants in the family. The same is true of the son. If the mother is a domineering wife, he will pick a domineering mate, believing this is a proper attribute in marriage.
This is why homes of our day are out of order. This is why marriages are failing by the millions. Marriage has become a by-word, and many choose to simply “shack up”; nothing to be expected from each other. Commitment and faithfulness are foreign concepts to a generation who has been robbed of godly patterns, so when a better deal comes along, they take it. The children are tossed to and fro and are given no foundation of headship, strength, authority, submission, love and mercy in their formable years.
God has been mocked, and His Word has been forgotten. Many today say, “What is wrong with this younger generation?” The problem lies with the mothers and the fathers. Both generations have violated God’s order. This disease in the home has been spreading for many generations until it has become epidemic in the marriage, in the schools and in the government.
Child abuse, wife abuse and husband abuse are rampant. Mental cruelty is the basis for most divorces. Why? Because God’s order has been ignored, violated or is completely foreign in the lives of His people. This is not only evident in the secular community, but also in the lives of those who are called “Christ-ones”, those who claim His name but deny His order for their lives.
If Jesus is our example, then we should follow our example. In Jesus’ life we witness authority, strength, submission, love, mercy and the grace of God. God needs to re-establish His order in the lives of His elect. Only when God’s order has been established in the earth, “our earth”, will we shine forth as lights in the world. *** Philippians 2:15
Most Christian homes are not examples of Christ’s order because headship has not been established. In most Christian homes, God’s order has not even been considered. Everyone is doing their own thing, and they call their home a godly home. What a farce the Christian home has become. They operate under the same order as the worldly homes; a number of people living in the same house where the only common ground they share is their name.
How do we, then, re-establish God’s order in the home? If we are to bring the home into God’s order, we must start at the top, and that is to bring every area of the home under the headship and order God established in His Word.
# 1 The husband and father must submit to his head, Christ, in all areas of his life.
His desire must be totally toward God, totally Christ-centered. This may take time and patience on the wife’s part. This can only be wrought through much prayer.
# 2 The wife and mother must be submitted to her head, her husband.
When these areas are in order, then the headship of the children can be established. The father and the mother must come into total agreement on how to raise, discipline and bring up God’s children which He has put in their care. The Psalmist writes,
“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His reward.” *** Psalm 127:3
The word heritage means “inheritance, heirloom or estate”. Children are given to parents to raise for the Lord. When we raise His children in His ways, then we have an inheritance in God, a priceless heirloom and an everlasting estate which no one can ever remove from us.
When Jesus spoke of laying up our treasures in heaven (the Spiritual Realm), He must have included our children because they are our inheritance in Him. The Psalmist went on to proclaim,
“As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” *** Psalm 127:4-5
Children are placed in our hands to raise. They are as arrows placed in the hand of a skilled archer. It is the parents’ responsibility to aim their children toward the heart of God. It is the parents’ duty to form and shape these arrows with just the right amount of pressure applied in just the right places to prepare a projectile that will become a glory to the Father. Happy is the man who has a quiver full of these straight-shooting arrows. They shall not be ashamed.
How we raise our children will determine whether they will be a blessing or a shame to the parents. Today, most children are not raised, they just simply grow up. Many today, Christians included, are training their children by godless books that were produced to pervert the child, and to bring ease into the parents’ lives by relieving them of their God-given responsibilities. The result of such books has been three generations of rebellious children who live a self-destructive way of life. The suicide rate among our young is out of control. The only solution available is to return to God’s Word and re-establish God’s order for the home.
God has laid down strict rules on how to discipline children. When Paul listed the qualifications for leadership in the assembly, one of these qualifications concerned the home and His children.
“One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity.” *** I Timothy 3:4
Before a man can be a leader in the assembly, he must rule his own house well. The word ruleth means “to stand before in rank, to preside and to be over”. The father is to have his children in subjection (HUPPOTASSO – to rank under). This is the only place in the word where HUPPOTASSO is used in this manner. In other applications, the word HUPPOTASSO refers to the wife submitting unto the husband and the husband submitting to Christ. When it comes to the children, the father is to have his children in subjection. He is to have them under his control, direction and guidance with all gravity. The word gravity means “dignity, honesty and teaching”. Today, philosophy states, “Let the children do their own thing. Let them learn to express themselves.” This kind of thinking has produced an abundance of rude and disrespectful children who are a disgrace to their parents.
The father, as head of his home, has the right and the responsibility to teach his children respect; respect for himself, for others, for other’s property and most of all the respect and reverence for their God.
In past generations, the children were always taught to respect their elders. Anyone who was older than the child was his elder. Today, the children are not taught respect, and because of this, society and especially the church, have suffered as we have watched the children who were raised in the church go by the way of the world. The Bible speaks of this generation,
“There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.” *** Proverbs 30:11
A generation of children who have no respect for their father or their mother. One of the prophesies Jesus gave of the last days speaks of these children,
“And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.” *** Matthew 10:21
Much of the acid rock and other forms of rock music carry this message of eliminating the authority figure in the child’s life. The occult, so many of the children are involved in, carry this same message of killing the parents. Many of the suicides among teenagers today are because, in these groups, they are taught that the ultimate sacrifice to their god, satan, is their own life. These atrocities have been allowed access in the home because God’s order has not been established. Instead, chaos has taken over and is ruling the homes; Christian homes included.
The Word says, “God is not of confusion,” *** I Corinthians 14:33. Confusion means “a state of disorder and tumult”. God will not operate in an atmosphere of confusion, disorder and tumult. If there is confusion in the home, how can we say Christ is the head of our home? Christ cannot be the head if the husband is not submitted to his head and the wife is not submitted to her husband. Christ will never dwell in the household of confusion and disorder. The prophet Isaiah wrote,
“As for My people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O My people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.” *** Isaiah 3:12
The prophet Isaiah saw our day and the pitiful condition of the Christian home. Children have become their oppressors. The Hebrew word NAGAS is used as oppressor and means “to drive as an animal, a workman or an army”. In simple terms, the children order their parents around and tell them what to do. We see this in every age level, beginning from the time the children can talk, through their teenage years. Parents are brainwashed. The media bombards the home with advice that if the child is not allowed to have freedom of expression, the parent could harm the child and hinder his communicative abilities. In reality, all this produces is a rude, undisciplined, disrespectful child who will bring shame to the parents.
The second point Isaiah makes is women ruling over their husbands. Then he places the blame where it belongs. “They which lead thee cause thee to err.” This problem exists because God’s order is not taught in the church by those who have been appointed to lead God’s flock. Many of today’s church leaders are not those whom God has chosen to lead His flock. These have been appointed by the denominational systems.
Isaiah spoke that these appointed leaders “destroy the way of God’s paths.” The paths that have been destroyed are the paths of the ancients who followed God’s order for the marriage and the home. The family is the very basic foundation of the kingdom. When we realize we are to raise God’s heritage for His glory, we discover we have an awesome task set before us.
God has admonished us in His Word to correct our children. If we fail to have them under subjection, then we are disobedient to His Word and His order has been violated. King Solomon wrote,
“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. *** Proverbs 22:15
Today, the use of the rod has come to mean the rod of punishment. In the public school system it is called “corporal punishment”. When God ordered parents to use the rod, it was not to punish the child. It was to correct the child. There is a world of difference in attitude when punishment is being applied, and when correction is being administered. When we, as God’s children, get out of line God corrects us as a father corrects. He only applies the amount of pressure it takes to straighten up our walk.
God used the example of children being arrows placed in our hands. The arrowhead determined the accurateness of the arrow. The ancients, who were skilled in this area, knew just where to strike the flint to achieve the desired results. If they hit the flint too hard or in the wrong place, the arrowhead would be ruined. But in the skilled artificer’s hands, the arrowhead produced, always hit the mark. This should be uppermost in the parents’ hearts when the child needs correction.
“…The way of transgressors is hard,” *** Proverbs 13:15. There are so many ways to discipline the child without the rod of correction. But if foolishness is bound in the heart of the child, the rod of correction may be the only answer. Proverbs also supplies the fathers with re-assurance that,
“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.” *** Proverbs 23:13
No one, who loves their children, is going to harm their children with the rod. It may not be easy on the child, but he or she will not die. Today when the rod is mentioned, we automatically think “child abuse”. Yet, the greatest child abuse today is when parents do not love their children enough to make them do what is right and walk in the right paths. The child that has been neglected in this area will hate the parents later because they did not point out the pitfalls of life.
“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” *** Proverbs 29:15
The child who is allowed to grow up without reproof will bring his mother shame. If we, as parents, fail to drive the foolishness from his heart, he will bring shame to his mother and his father as well.
“A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.” *** Proverbs 10:1
A wise son is one who is raised in the ways of the Lord, where the parents love the children enough to teach them respect for others.
“A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him.” *** Proverbs 17:25
The most heartbreaking experience parents can be put through is when their children bring grief and bitterness in their lives. Many parents, who have not raised their children in God’s order, have watched their children make a mess of their lives and they grieve for their children the rest of their lives.
“A foolish son is the calamity of his father…” *** Proverbs 19:13
Solomon was the wisest man of his day. His wisdom has been preserved so we may apply it in our day. If we refuse to hear the wisdom of the ancients, we are destined to relive what they have already learned. God gave children to parents, and He expects the parents to be parents. He expects fathers and mothers to teach God’s heritage in His proven ways.
Children are expected to follow God’s commandments also,
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” *** Ephesians 6:1
It is right for children to obey their parents. How long should children obey their parents? Until they leave mother and father and cleave unto their own wife or husband and start their own home.
“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.” *** Colossians 3:20
Many times those who are labeled “good Christian children” are observed sassing and disobeying their parents in the assembly, in the home and in public. These are not pleasing unto the Lord, and they need to be corrected so that they may turn from their error. All correction must be done in love and with the right amount of pressure. The ways of a transgressor must be hard. Reproof goes hand in hand with the rod. When we correct a child in anger, frustration or impatience, we can destroy the child, his confidence and his respect which we are trying to instill in the child. Paul admonished the fathers,
“Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” *** Colossians 3:21
As fathers, we are not to provoke our children to anger. It is so necessary to make sure our attitude is proper before God before we correct His children. Perhaps, sometimes counting to ten is not a bad idea. The child can be made to sit until you are in total control of your emotions. A time of prayer may also be necessary for God’s direction in applying the right amount of discipline. When all things are in order, then the proper judgment can be made on how correction is to be applied.
Raising God’s children is the most awesome task on earth. We may need to seek wise counsel. Both husband and wife should be one in all decisions of the child’s life. If there is disagreement in any area concerning the home: children, finances, purchases…it should not be discussed in front of the children. This is why God gave us the bedroom to work out our differences. When problems are presented in front of the children, their security is shattered. Children have a right to a secure home. When problems are aired in front of the children, the children are forced to take sides. This causes division and destroys unity in the home. Raising God’s children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is our most important job. Children need to be corrected so they will bring glory unto the Father, and not shame to the parents.
When our children are raised, our job is not yet finished. As soon as our children are raised, we then walk into the responsibility of grandparents.
“Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.” *** Proverbs 17:6
Young husbands and wives need the godly counsel of their parents; but only when they are asked. When their grandchildren come along, Grandma is needed at the time of birth. Grandparents are needed throughout the child’s life as a stable, godly influence. Grandparents are there when Mom and Dad seem to be too busy. Grandparents have time, and children need lots of time to learn the ways of our heavenly Father. Grandparents fill a very important part in the order of the family as wise counselors.
CHRIST – THE HEAD OF THE KITCHEN
If Christ is to be the head of the home, He must be the head of every room in the home. Christ must be the head of the kitchen. The question may be asked, “How can Christ be the head of the kitchen?” The old adage states, “We are what we eat.” Are the meals which are prepared in the kitchen, meals that will nourish God’s tabernacle. Do these meals promote God’s health or do the meals that are prepared in the kitchen glorify the deceiver and destroyer.
We cannot praise our God the way we should in a weak or sick body. People who think they cannot afford good food always find the money to pay the doctor. Fast food is the quickest way to the cemetery.
Paul wrote to the Corinthians,
“For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” *** I Corinthians 6:20
We are to glorify God in our body. We can only obtain good health by proper nutrition. Proper nutrition brings glory to our Father. When Daniel was a young man in Nebuchadnezzar’s (king of Babylon) Court, he refused to eat the king’s meat or drink the king’s wine. He demanded to be given vegetables. In 10 days his countenance was ten times better than those who ate the king’s (worldly) food. *** Daniel 1 Christ needs to be glorified in the kitchen.
CHRIST – THE HEAD OF THE LIVING ROOM
Is Christ the head of our living rooms? The living room is the center of the home. When friends and relatives come, is Christ glorified or is the T.V. the center of attention? In many homes the T.V. has become a constant interruption. God speaks to us with a still, small voice and His voice cannot be heard above the noise of the world. It is sad to say, but if God wanted to talk to some Christians today, He would have to wait for a commercial. God forgive us!
Is our living room Christ-centered or T.V. centered? Christ is the picture of love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance, *** Galatians 5:22-23. The T.V. is the picture of adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulation, wrath, strife, sedition, heresies, envying, murder, drunkenness and revelling. *** Galatians 5:19-21
Paul stated they that do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. This not only includes the television, but the radio, tape recorders, stereos, magazines, books and so forth. We soon come to the place where we have no time left to spend in the Word or alone in quietness with the Lord.
Is Christ glorified in the music played in the home, or that the children are allowed to listen to, or is it godless, antichrist music, teaching the children rebellion, sedition, revolution, drug use, murder and suicide? Is Christ glorified in the people your children look up to or are their heroes ungodly, satanic images of humanity? So many use the excuse, “I only listen to Christian T.V. or the news.” But what do the children watch when you are not at home? Are the children taught that the T.V. is an evil thing? David wrote,
“I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes…” *** Psalm 101:3
Today, nothing is more wicked than the T.V. Job also said,
“I have made a covenant with mine eyes…” *** Job 31:1
Is Christ being glorified in the living room or does the “deceiver and thief” who was a murderer from the beginning have pre-eminence? In *** Psalm 1 we are informed,
“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.” *** Psalm 1:1
Are we allowing our God-given children to walk in the counsel of the ungodly? It is a proven fact that the T.V. and the music children listen to have more influence in their lives than the parents’ words.
The children are allowed to stand in the way of sinners. The children are given free access to every filthy thing through the T.V. and the music. Many parents are allowing this access through their children’s eyes (the window of the soul), and their ears (the audio of the soul). This is why many ask the question, “What is wrong with the children?” The question should be, “What is wrong with the parents?” The answer should be obvious. The ways of God and the paths of the ancients have been forsaken.
CHRIST – THE HEAD OF THE BEDROOM
Is Christ the head of the bedroom? The writer of Hebrews stated,
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” *** Hebrews 13:4
The marriage bed is to be undefiled. The word undefiled means “free from unlawful sexual acts”. Many would have us believe that, because we are one flesh, God OK’s and condones any kind of sexual activity in the marriage bed. If this is true, why would God judge those who act as whoremongers or adulterers in the marriage bed? God knows our thoughts. Paul wrote,
“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” *** II Corinthians 10:5
Every thought we have must be brought into the obedience of Christ, and that includes the bedroom. Is Christ glorified in the bedroom?
Our homes, our children and our lives are to be lights in the community. Is Christ the center of all our activities? Is Christ the head in word and deed; or in word only? Is the Word of God displayed on our coffee table only; or is it displayed in the lives of those who live in the home?
God is not mocked! If we call ourselves by His name, we must live by His standards. If we fail to do this, we will not be part of His kingdom. We will not rule or reign, nor will we flourish in the courts of His presence.
1. The Bible speaks of God’s people as being __________ ______ ___________________ and the wives as ____________ _____________________.
2. When the home is in God’s order it is _________. 3. a. What are the duties of husband and wife to each other?
b. To the children?
4. Explain the importance of children seeing strong, positive, godly traits in their parents.
5. Outline and discuss the steps to re-establishing God’s order in the home.
6. What is prerequisite to a man serving as a leader in the church assembly?
7. Which marriage partner is responsible for having the children in subjection? How?
8. What is the only way Christ can be the head of the home?
9. Discuss the consequences of oppressive children.
10. Answer the following:
a. Does God permit parents to strike a child?
b. What is the proper purpose for using the rod?
c. What must a parent guard against while disciplining a child?
11. How long should children obey their parents?
12. What is the most awesome task on earth?
13. Where should family disagreements between husband and wife be discussed? Why?
14. Why do children need to be corrected?
15. How can we be sure to make Christ the head of every room in our home?