How to overcome rejection.
Correcting a mistaken identity
Research Author Sir Godfrey Gregg OHPM, ROMC
This is such a big cause of demonic bondage, and it’s one of the most common things to address in being set free. I had one highly experienced Pentecostal minister tell me that spirits of rejection are among some of the most common demons that he has encountered throughout his ministry. It seems that almost everybody is affected by rejection to some degree. It’s vital to understand how it works, and how to apply the cure.
Why does rejection wound us so deeply?
Because it attacks the very person that we are. It destroys our self-esteem, and attacks who we are and our purpose in life. This is why it is one of the most common tools the devil will use to destroy a person’s life. God never wanted us to feel rejected or abandon. He desires for you to know who you really are, and realize how deeply God loves, accepts, and appreciates you, so that you can live out the fullness of what all God has ordained you to be. God’s Word tells us that without being rooted and grounded in the love (and acceptance) of God, we cannot experience the fullness of God in our lives:
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:19
Rejection has a way of destroying a person’s life in a way that few other things can. The sad fact is that the number of people who are affected by rejection is staggering. If we want to be all that God has created us to be, then overcoming rejection and it’s affects is vital and absolutely essential.
The fruit of rejection
Many people who have faced rejection and abuse as a child, grow up with unresolved emotional wounds. Rejection causes emotional wounds, which if not cleansed and released, will grow and fester into spiritual wounds (such as unforgiveness, envy, blaming God, jealousy, etc.). Those spiritual wounds open us up to evil spirits which love to take advantage of this opportunity to invade us. The goal of the enemy is to get us built up with emotional baggage inside and negative feelings in our hearts against one another, ourselves, and God.
Rejection has a lot of fruit which can widely vary from one person to another. Some of the common symptoms of rejection include:
- Rebellion in both children and adults
- Fabricated personalities (being somebody you aren’t, in order to be accepted)
- The tendency to reject others, so that you aren’t the first one to be rejected
- A tendency to always wonder if a person rejects or accepts you
- The need to fit in or be accepted by others and be a part of everything
- Self-pity where a person feels bad for themselves being all alone
- Inability to be corrected or receive constructive criticism
- Rejection creates an environment where you are starved for love or just don’t fit in
- A tendency to blame God (“Why did He give me this big nose? Why did God make me so short?”)
- A sense of pride that says, “How dare they reject me!”
- Opinionated personality and the need to be right about things
- Feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, or hopelessness
- Seeking a parent’s approval is a sign that your basing your identity upon what they think of you
- Envy, jealousy, and even hate can be rooted in rejection
- Fear of confrontation (because your identity is based upon what they think of you)
A person who has a hard time admitting they are wrong, or receiving constructive criticism has an underlying problem with rejection. How do we know that? Because they are basing their identity, who they are, upon their ability to be right about everything. Stubbornness can also be rooted in rejection as well for this same reason. They have to be right, or else they feel worthless… that’s because “who they are” (their identity) is based upon them being right. This also ties in with opinionated personalities, who are always there to tell you all about something, even if they have little or no real understanding to speak from.
Then we have performance orientation and drivenness, certain variances of OCD, etc. where a person is basing their identity and who they are upon how well they perform at something in life. Whenever we base who we are upon our performance, or our being correct about something, then we fail, it is a blow to our identity.
Those who struggle with rejection can also become what we call fixers; a fixer is a person who is eager to tell everybody else how they need to be doing things, but many times have little understanding or experience in such matters. Such a person attempts to be the Holy Spirit in other people’s lives, where they have no authority or right to step in. They find their identity in fixing other people’s problems, and they love it when people come to them for help or advise.
The truth is that we were created to be loved, accepted, and appreciated. Rejection is an anti-Christ spirit because it opposes the very nature that God created in us. Rejection starves a person from love and acceptance that they were designed to receive. The problem is that when we turn to others or even ourselves for that love and acceptance, we are setting ourselves up for failure and the damage of rejection. Only God can be trusted as the source of our identity.
Self-rejection is another piece to this puzzle. Self-rejection is where a person rejects them self. They do not like who they are. This can often lead to self-hate, self-resentment, etc. It is often tied in with self-unforgiveness, if the person has made mistakes in their life which they deeply regret. Just as it hurts when others reject us, it can do just as much damage when we reject ourselves.
Then there’s perceived rejection, where a person receives something as rejection when it really isn’t. For example, “Why is that person not coming over here to talk to me?” When the person may not be trying to reject you, but just feel shy at the time in stepping out and meeting you (or anybody else for that matter). People who have spirits of rejection can have a tenancy to receive perceived rejection, because the purpose of a spirit of rejection is to make us feel rejected.
A person who feels like God is always angry at them usually has issues of rejection. Perceived rejection can also make a person feel as if God has rejected them. This is a very common scene that we encounter in ministry.
A good example of rejection, which caused feelings of envy, jealousy, and even hate to surface in King Saul can be found in 1 Samuel:
And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands. And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom? And Saul eyed [literally meaning that he looked with jealousy upon] David from that day and forward. And it came to pass on the morrow [the next day], that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied in the midst of the house: and David played with his hand, as at other times: and there was a javelin in Saul’s hand. And Saul cast the javelin; for he said, I will smite David even to the wall with it. And David avoided out of his presence twice.
1 Samuel 18:7-11
I was reading my Bible the other day, when this passage really stood out to me. First, we see the women praising David for slaying his ten thousands, but Saul for slaying his thousands. This rejection made Saul angry with David, and jealous of him. The very next day, an evil spirit came upon Saul and caused him to become exceedingly angry, to the point of attempting to murder David! Now there’s some ugly fruit that all started with rejection. It wasn’t rejection that opened Saul up to the evil spirit, but rather his reaction to his rejection.
The same is true when a person becomes stubborn or rebellious, or any other ungodly reaction to rejection. The rejection isn’t the sin, but their reaction can be a serious sin. This can open the person up to unclean spirits, and lead them down the path of destruction. God’s Word puts stubbornness and rebellion, for example, in the same category as witchcraft and idol worship!
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king. 1 Samuel 15:23